You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
