what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
