You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A bitchslap is in order.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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