You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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