Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
