how can u be prego again
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
