um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
