Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
