Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
