I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
