i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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