sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
