Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
