Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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