I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
