official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
