Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
