Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
