Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Randomize
