Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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