hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
