i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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