I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
