i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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