Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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