I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
