There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
