I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
