im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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