My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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