I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
