she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
