I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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