I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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