Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
