I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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