what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize