Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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