Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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