3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
