I accidentally had phone sex last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This baby is an asshole
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
