My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
