I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
