dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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