The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
