did you get engaged???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
