Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so let's talk penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
