the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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