Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
