he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
