Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
