Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
