Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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