Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
