Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
