Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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