How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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